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So, another just-before-falling-asleep conversation: I was telling Michael about a blog that I had read, thus concluding that when we build our home, the bathrooms will be far from any neighbors. Michael rejoined that, given his druthers, the whole house will be far away from any neighbors. I asked for it to be within "screaming distance." M: What?
A (me): Just in case something happens and we need to use the neighbors' phone or something.
M: How about a quarter mile away?
A: Just so that if I shout the neighbors will hear me.
M: Why are you so adamant about this? You'd just run over there.
A: But what if I can't run? What if my leg's been cut off by a machete?
M: Why in the world would you be using a machete?
A: It wouldn't be me!! There could be a botched robbery attempt and the robber could cut off my leg with a machete and I couldn't very well RUN to the neighbors' then. Not with blood spurting out of my groin vein! *attempts to show the blood spurts* Spwing!!Spwing!!
M: Why would a robber even USE a machete to rob our house?
A: I don't know, to break the window or something!
M: *snickers*
A: Laugh while you can. If you ever come home and I'm lying in a pool of blood and gore with my severed leg next to me, you'll just have to tell the kids, 'Yeah, your mother told me that this could happen and I laughed and didn't believe her.'
M: It's just ... a machete? What to get throught the window and the blackberry bushes underneath?
A: We're having blackberry bushes under the window? No. We are?
M: No.
A: Good. Let's have them in a patch of ground that we can douse with gasoline when I'm sick and tired of trimming them again and again.
M: Sometimes even that doesn't work.
A: Can I use a laser on them?
M: ... If you can get one there, sure.
A: Yes! Can I use sharks?
M: ... Ooookay ...
A: Sharks with lasers on their heads?
M: If you need to.
A: Or maybe I could get a dirt shark.
M: *plays along with my insanity* We'll just pick up one at the hardware store.
A: And after it gets rid of the blackberry bushes, it can eat the moles. And when they're gone, it'll eat the snakes.
M: Not all snakes live in holes.
A: Well, after the moles are gone, the snakes will come and say 'What a nice hole. It's empty, I'm moving in!' And "CHOMP!!" No more snakes!
M: What about the kids? When they go outside it'll go after them.
A: No it won't. They're not underground! It can't breathe air.
M: What if they're playing in the dirt?
A: It's not like they're going to bury their legs or something.
M: They might. I did when I played in the dirt.
A: *incredulously* What??? Seriously the mental image on that boggles my mind. Just another 'normal' day in our home.
Yes, yes.
previous - next
My mood right now is:  
Fun and Smelly ... - 2006-10-10
If I weren't so apathetic, this might be a tirade. - 2006-10-07
New and new and drool chronicles. - 2006-10-05
Insane? Nope! - 2006-10-01
Where do you draw the line? - 2006-09-29
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