I'm terrible about watching news or anything. I remember going into the classroom that I was volunteering in and

Ms. S asked "Did you hear what happened??"

All I could think was, "Oh no. which student got hurt and how badly?"

No, all the students were fine.

I was mostly confused about the whole situation. I didn't know anyone in NY. I saw teachers cluster to the lounge and watch, crying, the CNN coverage. I briefly remembered that I have some relative ... maybe a doctor ... who I've never met.

I liked how people here were nicer to each other. how they stopped complaining about the government for a little while. How we came together and displayed the flag with pride. How we basked in patriotism.

But for most of the time, we've become complacent again.

Hm.
--------------------------------------

Food for thought: The latest discussion in the Bloggernacle is about babysitting. Well, not just that but who you allow to babysit. The main question is about "Do you allow men to babysit your children?"

Kathryn, aka Daring Young Mom, started the debate (not that it's a bad thing. In fact, as a parent, it's an important question to decide).

Then, here's a follow-up from the TFTC girls. Where this decision is debated a bit.

Last link is from D. Fletcher, who's made an in-advance decision about this issue.

I'm not the only one who worries (in far advance, in this case) about the possibility of sexual predators. I know that I need to find the state website of them, just so that I'm prepared to face the fact that they are out there.
God forbid that I ever am faced with one. And even more forbid the possibility that Bru or Zo ever come into contact with ANY person that would do ... anything, let alone consider anything like that.

I also know that sexual abuse can/does happen. And we'd all like to think that it won't be at the hands of someone we know. That it's safe if we don't leave our dear ones in the hands of some stranger. However ... ugh. It's not always that way. Now, on the maternal side of my family, let's just say that some women didn't have good tastes/great circumstances in choosing spouses. I was not abused, but most of my female relatives were. My mom's stepfather was not a good person (at least in that respect. He's the grandfather to my dear cousins, so there must be something goo in him because they're GREAT ... but I still don't like him. Even if he's been dead for almost 10 years). He was of the opinion that, as long as there's no blood relation, any female is fair game.

Can we say "Ew?" And his tastes ran to the pre-legal age. My mom wasn't safe. Neither was her sister. And unfortunately, as much as I love my grandmother, she wasn't strong enough to recognize that her dughters were being forced to undergo what she had been through. And, when faced with the facts, she sided with her husband, not the daughters that he had victimized. (Now, there's lots of baggage here. Some things make her decision ALMOST understanable ... but the fact is NOBODY should be put through what my mother was. Not even Hitler. Or Stalin. Or Satan himself.)

Now, my mother was able to rise above this. She also made sure to protect me as she hadn't been protected. This man was NOT, under any circumstances, allowed to be alone with me. EVER. (And, by this time, my grandmother was able to face the facts and fully support my mom's demand. And they did it well enough that I never realized that it was in force.) (Not that I ever wanted to be alone with him. I never felt safe around him.)

However, I was allowed to be alone with quite a few men. My father was safe. My mom totally checked him out beforehand. He could never fathom how anyone could be sick enough to abuse a child. My Pop-pop (Dad's dad) was safe. Some of my favorite childhood memories are trailing after Pop-pop in the garden or in his shop.

So, in my experience, I don't know if I would give a hard-and-fast rule of "No Male Babysitters" if left to my own devices.

I also don't think that I'd judge based on a person's sexuality (well, in terms of homosexuality/same-sex attraction -- if you confess to being a pedophile, well, yeah, there's no way in Hell that I'm letting my kids be around you unsupervised. You don't leave the Sunday roast out when the dog's hungry. You use common sense. Not blind optimism.)
The reason that I don't feel that homosexuality is reason enough to ban a child from being watched by a person ... well, I know an educator that confessed to same-sex attraction. He loved, before retiring, teaching Kindergarten. He didn't care for any of the other grades, but he enjoyed the sweet innocence of Kindergarteners. He was not attracted to them or anything. He just found his niche in education. He loved his work.
Now, there were some parents that would request/demand that their children not be placed in his class. And they'd usually voice thier suspicions. (and this was before it was okay for a teacher to even insinuate that s/he had any sexual preference. Well, you could be married to someone of the opposite sex, that was okay ... you get the point).
If I had been a parent (or even alive for that matter) back then, I would have been thrilled for my children to have been in his class. He was a very sweet man who would have treated my children with the utmost respect and instilled a true love of learning in them.

Now, even though I might not be the most suspicious of all people, I do believe in being smart. I would never leave Bruce of Zoë alone with someone I didn't trust completely. It's not enough to just trust a babysitter with your life. Your children are far more important than that.
Now, if I ever get a feeling that someone isn't safe for them, I will try to spare his/her feelings. Failing that, my children are more important to me than that person's hurt feelings. I love my kids enough that their safety is the most important thing to me.

Of course, I think that there are plenty of women that could not be suitable as babysitters. Thankfully, I can't really think of any off the top of my head. (And I can only think of a couple of men of my direct aquaintence that I know that I would NOT leave my children with, under any circumstances.)

Still, besides that decision, there are other things that you can do. Most important is teaching your kids. As soon as they can understand anything, let them know that there are some places that people shouldn't touch. And that no one should make them feel uncomfortable ... adult OR of their same age. Let them know that, no matter what, they can always tell you what's going on. ESPECIALLY if someone's threatened them. (If anyone is stupid enough to threaten my children, I have no problems going through all the legal hoops to get that person as the Hell away from my family as possible. I'm sure that local police would protect a child who has claimed to be threatened right away. If not, I know that I'm voting in another sheriff ASAP.)

Yeah. I'm kinda complicated about this. I would love to trust everyone, but I still lock my doors at night. I want Bruce and Zoë to be comfortable around people, but I make sure that I can see them when they're being held by someone outside of immediate bloodline (except, of course, when they're being watched by someone else. And it's by people that Michael and I know that we can trust.).

That's all I can think of to sy right now. Sorry for being so adamant and verbose ... but, as you can tell, I'm rather opinonated about this. At least parts of it. The parts that I have made a definate decision on.

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My mood right now is:

Crazy Dreams: Take Eleventeen!! - 2006-09-19
Things I'm loving... - 2006-09-18
Scarrrrrrrrrrghff!!!! - 2006-09-18
blatherings - 2006-09-14
Overheard about two months ago. - 2006-09-13

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